mind over matter

I can't seem to stop my mind from thinking these days. I know how much it is all hurting me.. but somehow I just can't seem to stop. It just keeps repeating in my mind and saying that I won't think about it anymore, just makes me think about it even more. Everyday I'm finding my actions, thoughts and beliefs are all contridicting.

Is happiness that hard to find. Or do I just want too much ...
I wish someone would just give me all the answers I am looking for...

Blind Rabbit

LOL.. everyone has been talking about their future lately... blind rabbit 瞇兔. haha Its so difficult to think about the future. I think I have always been a here and now person.. or at most one month ahead. Not because I don't like planning but because plans don't like me. They never pull thru. Maybe that says a lot about me :)

This week has been a bit crazy and yet at the same time.. a bit lazy. I've had extra meetings this week.. and conventions and workshops. All that means is a lot more early mornings. Proposal was officially handed in today XD doesn't it feel good? hahaha yah but going to have to start thinking about starting my thesis writing soon. Isn't that a scary thought. But I think starting now will make it easier on me later on.

Today. I paid $27 for parking. GRRRZZZ thats like $960NT!!! Thats crazy. It doesn't help that im broke at the moment :( That's what you get for parking at wilson's parking. All for academic purposes too .. meetings in the city with hotel management. It was somewhat interesting. I began to realise how many logistic problems can be accounted through research.

Anyways, After today's meeting I caught Lisa, Mishie and Ali for lunch at Harbour Town. It was good to lunch with Lisa since she's usually working so misses out on lunch sessions these days. After lunch we headed to Myer to buy presents for ourselves haha. Mine was a reward for my months of heartache doing the proposal that caused tears and aggitation. I bought myself essense by Narciso Rodriguez. I really like .. and not just cos it sparkles. hahaha. It came with heaps of free gifts too. That makes me extra happy. Tho I should really stop buying prefumes now.

After the shopping I had booked an appointment to get my hair cut :) It seems like so long since i had a hair cut, but really it was only like a 2 months ago lol .. ok so kinda long. Anyways just got it trimmed and my fringe back. I don't know why but it feels good to get your haircut. Its like a refreshed feeling. Like you are ready to battle the world again.. unless it turns out looking like you had a fight with a lawn mower and lost badly. However, I quite like today's trim. Will keep this hairdresser. But it looks like I always do haha nothing much changed.

~Essence by Narciso Rodriguez~

~Today's Haircut :)

Alrite.. have a lot of lectures to catch up on.. (since for some reason all the meetings were during the only 5 hours of class I have a week)

Laters dear blog readers.

Music~

What is it about this artistically serendipitous collaboration of sounds that is so enchanting to the mind. As it has come up in conversations over and over again, there is an attraction towards all things musical. Including people. Who can deny that it is overly beautiful to observe another in the act of music. Whether it be a beautiful voice, a melodious strumming, talented hands ... the list goes on. Music is hot! It is mesmerising and I can only hope the I can continue to be mesmerised.

Loving the sound of... Officially Missing You

My Silent Corner

So while the world carries on with all its business that must be done.. I sit here and and write to the only people that are will to hear me rant at this point in time.

Maybe its just a case of monday-itis. But seriously, I can't take this anymore. Having to revise my proposal so many times that I have been driven insane. Everyone has told me that psychology honours is hard. We all know it. And yet tell me why again I am even doing this? So many people have told me to quit already. The only thing holding me to this is the fact that I am not a quitter. I'm a complainer. But I cannot quit. I must finish what I start. So what is it that is bothering me so much. Well, truth.. my fear of failure. I keep telling myself that its ok to fail.. fail means to learn.. if we don't make mistakes how do we learn? But somehow none of it goes in. I'm still scared as hell to fail. Someone help me.

Maybe its just that I need someone to talk to.. and not even about honours. It feels so lonely to be back in perth. I know I still have my friends.. but everyone is busy with their own things.. which is fair enough .. because we all must live our lives. Maybe it was just because I got used to having people in Taiwan. Living with Yuvina we talked heaps.. I mean like every night before we slept we would have our little chats.. and sometimes it was pretty random about our lives, what we did, where we want to go, the hilarious little event of the other day.. but I had someone there. I miss that.

Its 11pm.. I feel like going for a walk. Its not possible here. I feel like going to the rooptop of my Taiwan appartment and soaking up the atmosphere. Its something I won't get to do for a really long time..

Lets hope this is just a phase.

In pieces.

I wish I knew

It seems like I've been back for a long time already.. but the reality of it is .. its only been 2 weeks. haha I know .. I can't believe it either. And here I am complaining that I can't settle back into life. I must really give it time.

It feels like its been a while since I've smiled. I need someone to make me laugh again.

Honours is... draining.. although at the moment I really can't think of what I should be doing. I've done my readings (most of them) and I think I'm up to date with my proposal editing. I know there is more to do.. there must be .. but I think I may just have forgotten something.

Gosh and the weather. I think I am getting used to the heat.. since it hasn't been so hot lately but I keep falling asleep!! ok so maybe that doesn't count as getting used to haha but I need to wake up!! Like seriously!

Back to my first 6am shift at the post office again tomorrow. I'm not doing it everyday. Just Tuesdays and Wednesdays. But I'm begining to get worried, mainly because I don't remember how to wake up that early. I took on my old habits of sleeping at 3am again when I was in Taiwan. I blame it all on the guys! Mainly Jason who stayed up to talk to us until crazy hours hahah. What fun. I learnt a lot in those conversations. Missing it.

Been back at the kitchen again. It been so long since I cooked .. it kinda feels strange. I was worried that I would forget how to do it all.. On Saturday cooked my first Kway Teow since I got back. Burned my hand doing so. You know its strange.. before the trip I used to burn my hand all the time. LIKE ALL THE TIME. I had a lot of oil burn scars. And yeah they hurt.. but you'd get use to it. This time burning my hand it HURT LIKE HELL!!! It wasn't even a major burn. But it hurt sooo much I don't understand how .. why.. *sigh* must be a bit more careful.

~My Fried Kway Teow~

Noelle needs a new life or rather needs something new in her life.. any suggestions?

Addicted to Melody and Harmony - JaeJoong & YooChun

Different Outlook

My Last day.. at Taiwan Airport *cries*

Ha. So much for blogging while I was in Taiwan right? So much had happened there.. so many stories that I just didn't know where to begin. I really did have the time of my life there.. I was really happy. I could really see myself living in Taiwan and I think I will try to make it happen. Its just so different from what I have known and yet I had expected all along for it to be so awesome. I miss it.. I miss it so much.

Mr J. Chou's Resturant with Ali

Clubbing at Spark

The memories in Taiwan will always be dear to my heart.. the people I have met are so beautiful.. Its really hard to explain but there is so much to love there. In part it might also be the freedom that I had while I was there. Having our own appartment and being able to go out whenever... we set our own rules and I love how even though that was the case we didn't go crazy. I miss that. Its not that I'm extensively restricted here.. but there are somethings that I just could never get away with here ... our secrets in Taiwan >_-

Awesome Korean Food *drools*

So much happened in those 2 months.. yes I did the celebrity thing.. not quite stalking but enough to meet JAY CHOU!! I tried a lot of food.. I visited a lot of places.. I did all the scary rides at a theme park.. I took crazy photos at tourist places.. Learnt a lot of new chinese words (some more pleasant than others haha).. I shopped.. Night marketed.. Clubbed.. KTVed... Hosted a party.. Spoke to randoms.. Made new friends from all over the world.. 7/11ed.. Stayed out till dawn.. Attended a Concert.. Attended autograph sessions.. gosh and so much more. There is so much to tell you but if I tried it might take a million pages. I'm glad a kept a diary ... but like my blog there aren't as many entries as I had hoped. Nevertheless these memories will remain will me for years and years to come.

In BeiTou- Our Awesome Panarama shot:

Noelle, Yuvina and Jason

So I've been back for like almost 2 weeks now. How does it feel to be back? We'll quite frankly it sucks! Like I was talking to Lisa about it today.. its like going from everything to nothing >< But I haven't really had time to really settle back into life here. The day I got back is when I started to get bombarded with honours. I was dealing -or not dealing- will honours when I was in Taiwan but now that I'm back it seems to have hit me like a tonne of bricks. I guess its annoying when I hear how other supervisors treat their honours students and I know its wrong to compare but at times its depressing to see the difference. I wonder why I chose to do honours in the begining.. but now that I have started it.. I must finish. Hwaiting!

I have a meeting every Thursday morning ><><). So I must work harder.

Things will be different this year.. I don't know how.. or why ... but I just have the feeling that they will be.

Time for bed (must sleep early for once - its 1 am hahaha)

Goodnight