Today is one of those days that I feel so alone in this world. Maybe its because I wake up each day in fear... fear of what is ahead of me in terms of workload. I've got so much to do in the coming weeks and I'm sad to say that I have no motivation. Its not just a lack of motivation.. but I think I've worked myself to the point of overload. Just the sight of my books and notes makes me feel frustrated. I don't know what to do.. don't know how to feel anymore.
No one is online at the moment. Nic didn't pick up her call. Is there anyone out there? I feel scared..and not to presume what a blind person feels.. but I feel that sort of fear. Like I have just entered into temporary blindness and the world is a dark place. I wish I could explain it better- but I have not the words.
I really want to graduate already. U know how I refused to leave uni and stop studying? Well i think it finally got to me. I don't want to do this anymore. Then what about honours u say? I am clueless. A big part of me still wants to go for it. Especially since my research topic tutor has told me that if I meet the criteria set out previously I'm guaranteed a position. But the other part of me doubts my ability... doubts my stength and will power. I guess I still have a while to think. But I still think i'm not ready for the workforce. hmmm... I just can't see it anymore. I can't see where I fit in at a workplace environment. Especially here in Perth.... but I should've applied for those grad/vac positions. Oh wells... I was meant to be in Taiwan anyways.
I feel like theres so much I need to say. and yet nothing at all. I'm glad I have my trusty blog in times like these. But I kinda wish I could just sit here tonite and listen to someone else ramble.
Back to study.
你在我心理的位子... 已經不再.
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