Pages of White

I'm at uni again. Attempting to start research/reading for the Job Design assignment. Progress? Blank page. lol These days I just find myself staring at the screen wishing that my assignments would just write themselves. Its not that they are that hard.. but more the slow and daunting process of extracting the information from my brain. Ok.. just let me procrastinate that little bit longer... i'm still eating lunch in the lib.

Cousins are coming over soon. YAY since i've been nagging them to come since forever. But the bad thing is that they have chosen the worst time ever to come -- through the exam period. Which means they prob wont be staying at our house and I probably wont be able to take them everywhere I wanted to. But so far.. i think i must take them to Ciao Italia's. I actually haven't been there for an extremely long time.. so I'm looking forward to it- if it happens :P. Anyone got any other ideas on must go places in perth?

OOOOoooOO on the topic of must go places.. karaoke at dragon palace! Lets grab a group of ppls and go? its like $20 for dinner and 3 hours of K. Dinner is kinda all u can eat style but at $20 obviously not good seafood style. But I still think its a pretty good deal. yeah???

lol omg sitting in the lib now so i look up and see the books... the first one that caught my attention says....... "Blogs!" LOL oh the irony.

ok.. I think I'm off to stare at some more blank pages.. either that or facebook. Don't worry I'll do my work :)

Laters!

Insomniac

Gah the clock says its almost 3am. What the hell am I ding awake. I actually tired to go to sleep but instead got up to blog since I feel more wake then ever. Hmm.. its kinda a bad thing cos I should really sleep at night otherwise I will end up sleeping throughout the day. I'm an owl.. so sue me.

I think I complain too much... but its not going to stop me from doing so. I have soooooo much to do that it plagues my every thought. Ok lets do my little list of things that need to be accomplished (academically) soon...

• Music Essay (due Tuesday)
• Presentation and Synopsis (also due Tuesday)
• 15 page Economic History essay (due.. umm too soon)
• 1000 word Org. Behav. Assignment (due.. same week as too soon?)
• 60% Lab Report (due... arrrggghhh)
• Music Ensemble Report (due.)
• Exams

I think thats the order in which things need to be accomplished in the near future. On the other side of life to my world of study... Sense Lah will be reopening on Wednesday. Yes that does mean 2 things. 1. Back to work and juggling a million things at once 2. Back to having some sort of financial inflow YAY. On the note of financial inflow, I haven't got my stimulus package from Rudd yet. Actually beginning to doubt that I even qualify even tho mishie assures me that I will get it.

You know what I realise why I don't camwhore as much anymore. Because... I don't really go out much anymore. I mean yah we go out but we dont do those crazy session of mucking around anymore. Everything has become.. tame.. like lunch and dinner. Or maybe cos no one will camwhore with me anymore. Or maybe there are too man cameras and I can no longer be bothered to take out mine *sighs*. I promise I will make more of an effort.

Oh the note of going out. I'm sorry peoples that I haven't been attending events lately... I've been trying to keep up with my studies and I wish that wasnt the excuse... but I really do want to finish my undergrad degree with decent grade. Esp. since the economy is so bad that people are finding reasons as to why they SHOULDN'T hire you. I missed Caz's 22nd Birthday this year. Caz dear I'm so sorry :( But I hope you had an awesome time. By the sounds of it u did. oh and sorry I'm giving you another late birthday present this year. I promise this one won't take the full year to be delivered to u :)

I really feel like dressing up.. putting on make-up.. being carefree and running around. Probably not wise at 3am in the morning right? LOL. Oh well. there shall be time for that in my 6 months off. 6 months ... seems like a long time right? But I can tell already that it will pass by really fast. Just like the 4 years in Uni have. Sure there were so many tears... but also so many memories. And yet... I dont feel as if I've accomplished anything at all... maybe that feeling only comes on graduation day? oooo speaking of which, you guys will all come right? Hopefully planning to do an after graduation party :) should be good. I kinda want a really big thing for my graduation hehehe.. i say that now.. but we shall have to see right?

Alrite I think its time to force my eyes shut. Really need to get some sleep. Need to trek on in my plans tomorrow. I promise photos soon... even if i have to dig up some old unposted one lol

Nites. I hope everyone is actually asleep already and not an insomniac like me.

Alone

Today is one of those days that I feel so alone in this world. Maybe its because I wake up each day in fear... fear of what is ahead of me in terms of workload. I've got so much to do in the coming weeks and I'm sad to say that I have no motivation. Its not just a lack of motivation.. but I think I've worked myself to the point of overload. Just the sight of my books and notes makes me feel frustrated. I don't know what to do.. don't know how to feel anymore.

No one is online at the moment. Nic didn't pick up her call. Is there anyone out there? I feel scared..and not to presume what a blind person feels.. but I feel that sort of fear. Like I have just entered into temporary blindness and the world is a dark place. I wish I could explain it better- but I have not the words.

I really want to graduate already. U know how I refused to leave uni and stop studying? Well i think it finally got to me. I don't want to do this anymore. Then what about honours u say? I am clueless. A big part of me still wants to go for it. Especially since my research topic tutor has told me that if I meet the criteria set out previously I'm guaranteed a position. But the other part of me doubts my ability... doubts my stength and will power. I guess I still have a while to think. But I still think i'm not ready for the workforce. hmmm... I just can't see it anymore. I can't see where I fit in at a workplace environment. Especially here in Perth.... but I should've applied for those grad/vac positions. Oh wells... I was meant to be in Taiwan anyways.

I feel like theres so much I need to say. and yet nothing at all. I'm glad I have my trusty blog in times like these. But I kinda wish I could just sit here tonite and listen to someone else ramble.
Back to study.

你在我心理的位子... 已經不再.

Suffocated

I feel so limited here.. there is so much more that I could be.. so much more that I want to see.. is it really that selfish? I don't understand anymore. I have sacrificed so much of my life, my future and wants and dreams and its to the point where I feel so suffocated and betrayed. I just don't know anymore. What do you want from me.. my life is already yours, so what's the point me living it for u.

If only you could see.. my picture of me. My picture of who I had endeavoured to be, before you took away all and left me inside the empty box.

If only I had no heart...