无聊

It's funny how even after I have finished the pain of uni for the year I am still stressing/comtemplating/depressed over something in my life. Ok so not so funny and more just a natural emo.

Wasn't going to blog today, but I thought I just mite.. maybe it will help me clear my head a bit?I've been going through all my old emails again. I know I know we shouldn't dwell in the past. But I just can't help but look back to what it all used to be. hehe there are some awesomely hilarious emails in there... ones of me slowly growing my fondness of micky-shi, and then there are plans ... lots of plans... and lastly there are those emails.. the ones that make me miss everything and want to shed a tear.

Someone need to hit me over the head with a brick and remind me that change is not only inevitable.. its not so much of a bad thing. We all go thru it rite... its all just a matter of time. Maybe I've been watching too much dramas again recently. I think watching those dramas just make me depressed... watching a life I crave, a dream I no longer dare to want.

Happy Birthday Mishie

Went shopping today.. (and yesterday) with Mishie (HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY again) and ali joined for a bit. And I found nothing in the city on both days. Meant to be shopping for office-wear. In the end I went home picked up mummy and she helped me find some stuff. Bought 2 skirts and a top. Just plain stuff but I guess its ok... We shall have to see, I will prob do some more shopping later on.

Soo tired.. I think its time to sleep. Goodnite all.

Blue Skies

Finally. I think that one word says a lot about what I feel. Now that I am free it seems that the blue skies have come out and the world seems somewhat brighter. My shoulders don't seem heavy and full of burden. And my mind is clear.. clear and free from the insecurities within.

In the space of these two days I think everyone is leaving. Off to play in a different playground. Its sad that I haven't got the chance to fully catch up with them all before they leave but such is life rite?? Plus they will be back. Cept that fact that the day Lisa comes home.. I shall be flying off so we will be missing each other this whole holiday. But anyways have fun everyone.. and I am wishing a safe trip to Lisa, Ed, RongChyi and Anthony who are all either leaving today or tomorrow.

I dare not say i'm bored. I won't do it. I still have the scars of yesterday so fresh. So rather I will say that I wanna go out to play. I kinda still miss dressing up and looking semi-pretty. hehe but the only problem now is that everyone will be gone :( I guess that mean more time in front of lappy?

I shall be starting the internship in about one week's time. AND I AM SCARED. In a good way tho. I really want to try my best and show that I am competent. I hope that they will like me and that I will make friends. I think i'm one of those difficult people to get to know and be friends with. I think it takes a lot of patience to actually get to know me because I dont think I open up to people very easily.

Gah ok.. sorry this was a boring post.
I'm off to work
Laters.. admire the blue skies everyone

Darker days...

Exam stress has really gotten to me again these days. My head is constantly hurting and so are my eyes. This season is so depressing. So much so that I don't eat properly anymore.. and I can feel the physical deterioration and yet I don't feel like eating. Classifying clinical depression on the DSM IV. I think perhaps is because the sun is shining outside and yet I can't see the light. I know, I know.. I don't have it that bad, I know that there is only less then one week left and I know that I'm probably over exaggerating. But knowing all these things don't help.. not at all.. because I start to wonder what is wrong with me and why can't I deal with all this when others just take in in their stride.

This semester has started me questioning my abilities to do honours. If I can't cope now... what makes me think that I could ever survive honours.

I'm scared... Scared in my world of isolation... waiting for the skies to clear again.

The Recount

So.. I was meant to do this like what 3 weeks ago. I intended to do it on the day of my birthday.. which turned into the week of my birthday.. the month? nopes.. today. Ok So I will attempt to recount my thoughts and events of my 21st just so I can go back and read this and smile a few years/months down the track.

Lisa, Ed, Ali and I: Cheers

On the 18th of October I held my 21st party as most of u already know by now. I was actually really scared on the day of the 18th because I didnt think that anything would go right and that people would not come =( Bit with that thought aside I got ready and dressed in a little less than 2 hours. HEY Thats pretty good I reckon cos it includes the time it took for me to do my nails and hair too. (Technically my sister did my hair for me but same thing!)

Lisa's parents picked me up to take us into the city. We were to dinner.. must eat if I was planning to drink. I think I told all of you my plans to remain elegantly tipsy on the night...

Anyway we met the boys at the city. Dinner was just Lisa, Ed, Ali and I and we went to uncle Billy's for dinner. The food was ok as usual (truth is I actually can't remember much of what we ate... it must have been the champange). Dinner was good.. i remember being so comfortable. The boys and Lisa paid for dinner and everything I felt sooo bad but thanks guys!!

Since Lisa and Ed had to wait for RongChyi me and Ali started walking to Luxe in hope that I would arrive before the guests. Well.. I definately arrived before the guests... it only took less than 20mins to get there i think? It was a good walk. The place was packed already before I even got there.. that irritated me a bit.. but that is life. Bamboo at Luxe is actually a really nice place.. like the setting is quite good.. too bad that the organisers are crap and misleading. Lots of little hiccups throughout the night.. like the lack of VIP line when I was told there would be one.. cake being a slight problem.. *grumbles* but I guess I'm over it. Just never going back again!

Looking good gals =)

My Girls.. I love this shot

Everyone slowly rocked up and I actually had quite a good time at Bamboo.. got to talk to quite a few people and it was nice to see everyone together again. I thanks everyone for coming.. especially u guys because u really helped me a lot that night from keeping people entertained, to helping me take photos, to giving me water!!! and most of all for helping me maintain as stress.free as possible. I really wish I took a group shot too!

Cake

Cake turned out ok.. thanks to Jie Jie and Johnny who organised most of the stuff.. =) I should have done the speeches then noooo... so I missed out on speeches sorry I made u guys prepare them for nothing =(

Camwhores at KTV

Then off to KTV.. quite frankly I dont really remember much interesting happening at KTV.. I heard the drama and I knew it sorta on the night but somehow I don't know why I didnt do anything about it. I remember distinctly sitting on the stairs of Joy Gardens and talking to mish and alan. And I remember the sink.. and the bag.. and being super tired and the rest is kind of history. I regret not being more sober to so that I could make sure everyone did enjoy themselves? But one question ... how come everyone else was so sober????!!! *sighs*

The next morning was not pretty... not pretty at all as I think I emptied my entire stomache and lost about 5kg (yups I weighted myself). But thanks to everyone for the well wishing smses.. it amused me while I was lying in bed wanting to throw up again. Yes. Lesson Learnt. Luckily I didnt get busted.. cos the night before.. mum saw me walk into the door and despite being a bit out of it.. I pull a very good sober person. Nah. I really wasnt drunk which helped!
All in all the night was an ok experience for me and I really hope everyone had fun (even tho it was wat 3 weeks ago!)

The Week ahead from the 18th was a bit of a rocky road. My 60% lab report was due on the 27th so I spent the rest of the week rushing, finalising, fixing and writing it. I literally almost broke me. I was so down in that week.. I dont know how many times I wanted to give in. On the very first second to my birthday tho I got a little jolt of hope.. Nic called to wish me happy birthday =) It had been a while since I heard from her and It was a nice break from my lab report. I spent most of my Birthday actually writing my report. But the night before the girls and I went for a short Ktv seesh plus dinner (and peking duck in mishies case). Had to leave early to of course keep working on the report.. but I dont think I would have survived the week without it. Thanks guys.





So more than anything I want to thank you guys for making my 21st birthday so memorable and special to me. Each and every one of you all mean so much to me.. and I hope that I show it. I appreciated all the time and effort you guys put in to make me smile =) Where would I be without you all?





On one last note. I wanted to make a special thank you to the people on that list. Particularly Mishie who was mainly in responsible for organising the list. Yup the List of people who were willing to contribute money to have nicole flown over from Singapore as a surprise for the night of my birthday. I'm really sorry it didnt work out but I was soo touched by the mere thought of it, thankyou guys really. I haven't got a full list but hopefully I will get it off mishie and post my thank you up here after exams =)

Ok to end this awfully long post. I think I would just like to add.. isn't it quite fitting that this is my ...... 100th post. Yay .. this blog has made it thus far.


Thanks for reading guys and normal blogging should return soon.. yeah its exam period so watch for the more emo posts.