Foolish

How many times do I have to be taught? Not to plan, not to expect, not to hope, and not to desire. I seem to never learn and each time I am reminded of my foolishness all I can do I cry foul play and it hurts... it hurts so much.

I'm sick of telling myself I was meant for something bigger, I'm sick of expecting the light at the end of the tunnel when the reality has always been more darkness. I'm just sick of being who I am at the moment... I want to crawl into that dark corner and hide- but then I realise I never left that corner to be able to return.

I think of all those people out there who actually have a direction, a purpose and inspiration... and I'm ashamed to show my face... ashamed to tell them this is how I have lived my life for the past two decades. What a waste. It so much easier to say that you will make more of an effort and to plan for change then it is to do. In the end its just a circle... and I doubt this is what they meant by the circle of life.

Sorry. Emo. I guess this is what happens when you get told you're just not good enough.