Foolish

How many times do I have to be taught? Not to plan, not to expect, not to hope, and not to desire. I seem to never learn and each time I am reminded of my foolishness all I can do I cry foul play and it hurts... it hurts so much.

I'm sick of telling myself I was meant for something bigger, I'm sick of expecting the light at the end of the tunnel when the reality has always been more darkness. I'm just sick of being who I am at the moment... I want to crawl into that dark corner and hide- but then I realise I never left that corner to be able to return.

I think of all those people out there who actually have a direction, a purpose and inspiration... and I'm ashamed to show my face... ashamed to tell them this is how I have lived my life for the past two decades. What a waste. It so much easier to say that you will make more of an effort and to plan for change then it is to do. In the end its just a circle... and I doubt this is what they meant by the circle of life.

Sorry. Emo. I guess this is what happens when you get told you're just not good enough.

But a Distant Memory

Sorry for the absence. I would like to say that the reason is because I have been busy. But that would be a mere lie.. I have just been lazy =)

I've been back for two weeks already and it seems like such a long time since I lived the carefree life- where my biggest worry was not knowing what colour I should buy that shirt in. The trip, u ask? Was awesome. It was quite the adventure and I learnt a few things here and there along the way. I love the feeling of living out of a suitcase... being constantly on the move and trying to maximize every minute of the day. It felt productive, it felt so good. I even loved that fact that when your a foreigner you can dress however you want, or say what you want cos the true is ... no one knows you so its ok to go eat supper in the city streets wearing your pjs. And then there ws the immigration officers. You see usually I would actually be scared of them. Even tho I've done nothing wrong the fact that they the authority means that they should be feared in my eyes. But not this time. For some unknown reason ALL the immigration officers that I was in contact with were soooo friendly!! Even tho it was just small chat or just questions on the island I was born on...it felt good hehehe So if I could use two words to wrap up my entire trip they would be... LOVED IT.

As I said.. "We're Foriegners.. so its ok to be Idiots"

I know this blog is missing some serious camwhoring so I shall fill it with random photos =)

MOF in Singapore- Officially my Fav Jap place in Singapore

Ok U can't go to HK without taking this pic!

OMG this was from my fone since my camera fotos sucked!

With My Cousins. Sorry I was too lazy to rotate =)

So.. I have put on weight obviously since I ate everything in sight for the 3 weeks that I was overseas =( That's like a year's worth of gymming down the drain! I put on 3 kgs!!! I'm so annoyed and I haven't re-joined my gym yet due to lack of funds. But we shall have to do that soon I think. So I've been trying to out my own temporary exercise schedule in the meantime. But with the heat and sun being an obstacle (since I'm also trying not to get dark again since my Aunties mentioned how dark I have gotten!) and the fact that I sleep in way too much... my success is somewhat limited. So now its time for some super extreme action. I, Noelle JXL will eat only fruits vegetable and chicken breast meat for the next 5 days without any sauces/salt/sugars/pepper. Omg I'm sooo not going to last am I? Anyways I will give it all my best to accomplish this. I think I need it and that It would be a good detox. Plus I already spent $20 on fruits and vegies in preparation for the begining of it all tomorrow. Wish me luck? OOOh and that also means that I will not be dinnering/lunching/suppering out for the next 5 days. Sorry guys but u will support me in this won't you?

With Sis.. the sakura looks real rite!

Ok changing topics since the lack of good food is starting to depress me. I've made some changes to my room since I got back. There are a few new additions to my room (not including clothes, cos that would be silly) such as the portable external hard drive I bought (actually dad bought it for my early b-day present- been getting gifts early this year hmmm) and the new little cabinent I bought while shopping with Tammy last Weds. Its so awesome it only cost me $20 and it fit perfect where I wanted it. Its for my CD's since my CD draw had just about given up on me. Its soo cool... only putting it together was a bit of a hassle hehehe since I had it build it 3 times cos I put the shelves facing the wrong way up more then once o_0. But I got it right in the end =)

All in All the two weeks that I have been back have been ok. Nothing much interesting in my life atm.. but at the same time.. I guess I can't complain =)

Hope you all have been well and good and hope to be seeing you all soon yeah!

Laters!