Only You

Sorry my dearest blog... I've been away and back and yet did not leave a footprint. I would love to promise that I will blog more but I shall make no promises that I am certain I cannot keep. Today my heart hurts a little and I have only you to tell.

Ok ... so maybe its not a little.. but more like a lot. But I have not cried yet. Is it because crying will do me no good? I'm not sure quite. But so much pain and no tears. I'm a little worried. The reality of it is no one is ever at fault when it comes to matters of the heart or is that wishful thinking?

There is so much on my mind. But I really don't know how to express myself very well. I'm finding this to be the case more and more these days. Maybe that's why I haven't found a job yet. That and my five page resume? Tell me why is this so hard?

I wish that I didn't miss him so much. Because he probably doesn't miss me anymore. That's a stupid reason isn't it. But I'm sticking with it because I'm a stupid girl hehe.

I guess I no longer cross your mind anymore.
I pray that I will keep thinking I have nothing to regret... if one day I cannot maintain these thoughts... will you help me?

Before it's Too Late

I'm flying off again.. early Monday morning. This trip has kinda crept up on me and took me by surprise. I knew that I would be away around this time of the year cos I'm heading to Malaysia for my cousin's wedding.. but at the same time I dunno.. I guess I didn't have time to anticipate. My bags are semi packed. I've brought too much I think. But everything seems essential.. as everything always is. Everything has been pretty much sorted. Appartment accomodation in Taiwan is finally sorted thanks to the help of Jason. Just a little piece of mind knowing I don't have to worry about accomodation in Taiwan. I'm looking forward to the Taiwan leg.. a little nervous about taking my family around.. but excited none the less. I will be living alone in Taiwan for 20 days. Its kinda scary. And I wish Lisa and Mish were actually coming, like planned.. but I guess everything happens for a reason. Jia You.

I thought I would just do a quick recap of this year before I am to fly off. Mainly because I don't know if I will have the chance to blog for a while.. I'm not bringing lappy with me this time.

This year has been a real roller coaster for me. A lot has happened. I've learnt new things, met new people, said goodbye to some people, started and finished honours, got back into work-struggled-tried-to-quit- stayed- quit, dinnered, shopped, Melbourned, Unemployed, Jay Chou and Daniel Henney, been a bride's maid and gained a brother... the list goes on.

Tho I know there were many many testing moments this year, moments that almost broke me. I'm glad to be where I am now. As I am that little bit stronger because of the pain. There were also a lot of moments that I can imagine just staring into space with the sudden trigger of memories and giggle about.

I don't really know. All of 2009 I've thought that 2010 would be my year. A year that I would be accomplished and shine. Did I really achieve that? I'm not really sure. But looking back on everything now.. it wasn't so much of a bad year. It was hard.. but yah I think it was worth it.

I can only hope that 2011 brings a new start. Lets work hard together..

See u soon ^^

Sometimes...

This has been a little bit of a hard week for me. For many reasons.. of which I don't think I have the heart at the moment to divulge. It seemed that I'm been pushing myself to just get through this week.. pushing myself to be strong and not let it all affect me too much. It has been hard. Really hard.

Sometimes I do wonder if I just put myself through everything just to feel human. I really don't know. But regardless.. that is not even the point on this blog post today.

The point of this post is that although this has been a physically and emotionally straining week for me there are two people who have really surprised me. In a good way that is. One is an old friend of mine who I have known for a few years. It felt as if we were drifting apart.. but this week I really felt as if this person has never second guessed the type I person I am. And with this faith in me I am surprised and so very grateful.. because it made me feel as if I didn't need words to explain who I am or what I am doing .. they already know. *love*

The second person this week surprised me the most. I feel like such a selfish person after talking to her. But I was touched at how much she cared. This second person is one of my co-workers. Ok, at work I'm a pretty mysterious person. No-one knows much about me.. I hadn't been working with them enough to be able to let them get to know me so well.. so I'm not as close to my co-workers as I could be. But as this week has been so straining.. Its shown ever so clearly that things have been on my mind.. that I have been upset. Today was the last day of the week. Its a huge sigh of relief. But as usual after work at the post office, I turn into the dinner shift at the restaurant. I had been feeling the weight of the week and was exhausted. Mum let me rest in my car while it was quiet. That's when I got a phone call from an unknown number. I picked up not knowing what to expect. I was my co-worker just calling me to see if I was ok. She knew about the rough week .. and I thought I could help her with something (I thought that's why she called) but no.. she called solely to see if I was ok. She gave me advice and talked to me about everything. But mostly what I heard was how much she cared. She has restored me faith in people.. and her phone call really made my day. It was only 10mins .. on the phone (even if I saw her at work today) .. and it made my day.

In any case. To both these two surprises in this very tough week.. I say thank you. U guys make me stronger.


Noelle.

Glimer of Happiness

It's kinda sad to think that I only really blog when something is wrong, when I'm sad or when I'm on a holiday. haha But I guess it's safe to assume that in between all those times I am happy enough. Happy enough to not have to run to my blog readers with tears in my eyes because life has bullied me.. or I believe that life has anyways...

Being back from Melbourne and the general feeling of being on holidays kinda sucks. LOL. Yes I know that's what everyone feels, after all who wouldn't want to be on holidays all the time. But in these past few weeks I've been quite content. There is nothing I can complain about overly really.. and just moments that I can just smile about nothing... what has happened to me? haha

Maybe it has a little to do with the fact that I haven't fully knuckled down to study for my final exam yet. During exam period I'm always an emo little girl.. but I dunno.. because I've been working and still making time to talk to friends and hang with people I think its made everything a little easier this time round.

My final exam (god this feels a little like dejavu) is on next Monday. A little worried because I'm pretty sure I don't know the content that is going to be assessed. It's on Clinical Assessment. I do find a lot of it interesting despite being very fidgety during the lectures. haha I just can't sit still.
Anyways I just thought I would do a little spill before I go and do I little more studying. U know what .. I think u guys will miss my dramatic emo posts.. sorry this was a boring post guys :( haha

Till another day.

P.S what happened to my comment box? grrrzz will have to fix that after exams .. added to the to do list XD

Melbourne and My Birthday

~Melbourne from our hotel room window~

Looking back on the experience in Melbourne, it was really kind of like a therapy session for me. I know I left perth quite depressed and stressed about assignments and what not... but slowly the time we spent in Melborune really cheered me up.

My Tiffany & Co.

23rd Brithday Present to myself

My birthday was one of the most memorable days in Melbourne (not that everyday wasnt memorable!). But it was filled with lovely little moments. Like buying my tiffany *love love*, having the facial done (which made our skin look so awesome), like drinking games and the bars that the boys took us too (where I lost every round T.T thanks Vince), like singing 說好的幸福呢 *epic*, like catching up with the dear boys I met in Taiwan. It was so eventful... and at the same time it didn't feel like my birthday. Strange right?

Singing 說好的幸福呢

-Me, Mishie, Andrew, Vincent and Tim-

Other highlights of Melbourne included touring all the historical points of interest with Jimmy. Its been ages since I've seen him.. like it was highschool? But he was so nice and just the same ole Jimmy that I have always known. It was good to see him again and I'm thankful for such an awesome tour guide. The girls were also very impressed with how much he knew about Melbourne, a city that he has only been in for 5 years. You would have thought he grew up there. But thats just Jimmy. He is awesome like that.

Loved the club in Melbourne that we went to. It played all the good songs. At first there was a gianormous line to get in. But then the bouncer came up to us and moved us to like a fast/VIP-ish line .. lol I think it was cos we were girls... so desipte the 20 meter line, we got in in like 10 mintues. The people there were different. Or maybe it was because we were afraid of their difference. The lack of familar faces it must be. The girls there are quite scary ><>

Hutong Dumpling Bar - Lisa and I

Disappointments was probably the food. I don't think we really had an awesome meal in Melbourne. My favourite was probably the steamboat buffet Lisa and I had on the last day and the pizza place Jimmy took us to. But According to Andrew, we just really didn't know where to look for good food. Next time I will let a local take us for food ^^

The same with shopping... we didn't really shop all that much. Not that I should even be shopping with the crazy amount of clothes that I hoard! But most of the stuff we bought were kinda expensive - labley stuff.. and even then we bought nothing. I don't know how I spent so much money ><>

Next time I go to Melbourne (yes, there will be a next time), I would like to go to Luna Park to play. I know its a little childish, but I really wanna go!!! I have no idea when that will be tho. I've come home from Melbourne as a happier person. I've let a lot of things go. I'm glad and ready for the next adventure!

With the Girls

Will you join me?

The 4am Friend

... scribbled this down last night before I went to bed ... I wanted to blog but it would have taken too long to get lappy on ... and it was already 4am.

Have you ever had a friend that you could call no matter what?
It didn't matter how silly your problems were, how irrational you were being or how late/early it was... you knew they would pick up no matter what and just be there for you.
I think I've always had someone like that in my life until now.

Don't get me wrong... its not cos I can't talk to those people anymore.. but its more because they have responsibilities now.. and I don't want to bother them.

But right now. At 4am. I really wish I had someone to talk to...

Student's Rant

Grzzzzzz.... i mean really GRRRRRRRZZZZZZZ

I don't think words can really describe my disappointment and frustration with my supervisor and honours in general. Yes. I know. Its very close to the end. Just another week and a half and it will be all over with. But seriously, why do this to me. Why must he be such a retard. I've already tried to come to terms with the fact that I can't really count on my supervisor to help with anything related to my project and have solved all the problems together with my master's student. Finally thought that it would all be ok and that I've made it thus far. And then he goes and annoys the crap outa me!!!!! GRRRRZZZ

For honours, our supervisor is allowed to read and give comments on our draft only twice with a ten day turnaround. That means they have to give it back to us after 10 days of receiving it. Additionally, they can only read and comment on the Intro, Method and Results, so they are not allowed to touch your discussion let alone read it. Anyways, I was working on quite a good schedule earlier on this year. Remember when I told you guys my first draft was due back in July 31st? Well I was actually the only on of his students who managed to give him a complete first draft with all three sections. I was quite happy with that first draft and had put in a lot of effort. Anyways, I got that back and he didn't have many comments because he said it read well and all I had to do was add I headings. I was so surprised, but glad because we all know how much my proposal annoyed me. So I happily edited my first draft and finalised my results before sending in my second draft a couple weeks ago. I got it back last night.

And that's when I got super annoyed. Its come back needing MAJOR changes. I can see how I will need to re-write 30% of it. Its not just the way I write.. its also major ideas and the structure that need to be changed. On top of these changes I haven't even finished writing my thesis.. the discussion is only just started and I think I'm about 2000 words away from completing it. There is seriously so much to do. On top of it all the conference is tomorrow and I haven't finished my slides. What S**ts me the most is that HE COULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT THESE CHANGES NEED TO BE MADE IN THE FIRST DRAFT instead of making me think that it was all ok. So now that I'm pressed with time and stressed with everything else he piles on more crap for me to do. It just makes it seem like he didn't even read the first draft. And if that's the case isn't that even more disappointing ... I already don't expect very much from him as a supervisor ... and at the end of the day he doesn't even do his basic job. Just so annoyed *angry face*

Clarice, my master's student is equally annoyed. Her thesis is due like a few days before mine and she also has been given major changes to work on. What is worse in her case was that she gave in her final draft 3 weeks before she got any feedback.

What have we done to deserve a supervisor like this? I'm going to make sure that people chose their supervisors wisely next year. I'll be sure not to recommend this particular supervisor. GRRRRRRZZZ

-- end of rant --


... for now.