Circus Clown

I've never been good at juggling. But I find myself constantly struggling to learn. Learn to take on everything thrown at me. *sighs* This is bigger than time management. I need to learn to play when it's time to play, to study when it's time to study and work when its time to work. Instead I find myself lost trying to mix the three together.. like an extremely bad tasting cocktail.

I need to remind myself, that there are so many people out there in situations worse than mine.. struggling.. need to remind myself that all this is possible.. its all about sacrifices. Sacrificing for the good of all.

So much to explain.. so much to express.. yet no words come out.. just silent screams.. but can you hear me?

Jia You! Fighting! Gambate! to everyone studying and assignmenting =)

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Side note: sorry, short post.. I have heaps to tell you guys.. but maybe I'll do it in my next break.. or the next time Lisa nudges me to update
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Happy Father's Day

Just got home from work about an hour ago... boy am I tired. Who would've known it would be so busy today. My body aches from my neck to my toes. I actually prefer busy days at work, as opposed to the one customer a minute dribble. Being busy just keeps your mind focused on the task at hand, rather than thinking about how much effort the task involves. A surprising amount of Hofun's were cooked and Singapore Laksa's at that. I think what made my morning was a phone in customer. Towards the end of the morning shift, the phone rang, and as everyone else seemed to be occupied with other jobs, I ran to pick up the phone. The voice on the other end seemed to be a young-ish female, whose English was not so good. As I answered the phone in my usual "Sense Lah Malaysian Cuisine. How may I help you?", the voice one the other end replied with "Hi hello good morning good afternoon how are you?" hehehe I couldn't help but have a grin on my face. I know.. its mean to mock someone whose English is not perfect, but it made my morning =) and a long tiring morning it was.

On another topic.. one that I was meant to blog about b4..The day I went for a facial
I should have blogged about this straight after I had the facial.. coz u know human memory is not only deceitful, it fades. Anyway last Tuesday I went for a facial. You know a facial, that is meant to be relaxing and cleanse your thoughts and help your skin at the same time. Been trying to remove all the acne scaring on my face, which has gotten quite bad lately. Anyway. I was going for something called Micro-Dermabrasion. Got into the "day spa" and filled in a few forms as I waited for my turn. The girl called me into the room, got me to put my hair into a "shower cap" looking thing and then made me lay down on the bed there. As she was preparing her tools, I asked her if it was going to hurt... her reply "no.. the mask afterwards might be a little uncomfortable though". As my booking was at 9am and I didn't get very much sleep the night before I thought to myself, this is going to be good.. I can just lay here and fall asleep. That thought ended pretty fast, it practically ended the minute I heard her turn on a machine. So it turns out she used this pen looking suction thing with a crystal on the end to go over my face. Doesn't sound too bad huh, well.. why don't you go grab like a scrubbing brush with hard bristles and rub it on your arms ... at the same spot... again ... and again... and AGAIN.. then tell me do u reckon it would hurt, then imagine if I did it to your face!!!! It hurt so much I thought I was going to burst out crying right there and then. I had to persuade myself mentally that it was all for my own good. After about 25 minutes of scratching every possible part of my face, she was done and ready to put on the mask. I though "YAY, masks are cooling and it'll take away all the pain"... oh boy was I wrong AGAIN! She put 5 dabs of the mask cream thing on 5 points of my face.. and it immediately started to burn.. i mean BURN!!! So much of "just a little be uncomfortable". I seriously thought she had just set fire to my face.. I think the mask might have hurt more than the scratching! Once again, I persuaded my mind to stay still rather than scream obscenities to the nice lady who has been doing this for 2 years. Before I left permanent scars on the side of my thighs from digging my nails in to deflect the pain, She started to remove the mask. The whole process took about 40 minutes and left me leaving the room with a very red and painful face. I was going to take before and after shot, but yes can't fins the camera. The results are slowly starting to show as my skin is getting a bit better, or maybe its just cognitive dissonance and I'm only believing that its working because stupidly enough I'm making another booking for next next Tuesday. I'm starting to think I'm a masochist...

All in a Days work

Been meaning to blog.. but each time that I think that I will... I end up way to lazy to do anything. So much for trying to make this a productive week. Can't believe that time is flying by so quickly.. soon it will be time for emo Noelle to come back and deal with all the assignments and exams.. and its not gonna be a pretty sight. Time flying by also means growing older.. we grow older by the day.. by the minute... BY THE SECOND. I don't think I'm ready to grow up yet.. these are supposed to be our prime years, coz as you know its all down hill when u hit 30. Even your brain speed decreases once you hit your 30's.

Well, I guess I have the Singapore trip to look forward to in the near future. BUT annoying thing is... I still haven't booked my air tickets... and the prices are no longer looking oh so pretty. In fact, I don't think i'm saving very much at all. I wished I booked when I said I was definite on going. But I'm still saving about $400, which includes a return Singapore airlines flight to Penang. That saving better not disappear.. which means I REALLY REALLY need to book soon.

Hmm.. why am I sitting here blogging while I'm at uni?! Shouldn't I be studying? Meh, I'll do it when I get home.... home from going out tonite that is =p
Nah, no late night tonite, just off to utopia to check out the first rounds of the karaoke comp. I hope its good. But guilt is definately kicking in.. guilt from lack of progress... number of assignments started = 0, number of mid-sems studied for = 0 ... really better get a move on.

Okay I think Mish has finished her assignment now, the one that productive Lisa finished at 1am in the morning (claps to Lisa)... time to go... will blog on my facial trip next time .....

The Art

The melancholy tunes of Jay Chou flood the house... 如果難過請你忘記我... drowned by the intensity of his skill

I admire singers, musicians and artists in general, as they represent the ability to succeed. The ability to chase for those dreams.. using skill that u have and just knew your were born to use, born to share.. born to enlighten. But for many of us, we are just confused as to what our skill is meant to be. What is it that motivates me? You see singers/songwriters work endlessly to create the perfect masterpiece.. but what is it that is able to make them place all that effort into what they are doing..perfecting... even if it means no sleep for days. Its the love for the art, the passion and dedication to the art and what it means to others around the world.

Sometimes I don't think songwriters get enough recognition, because what is a song without a story.. a melody with no depth. They are a crucial element to the success of an artist.. particularly one who does not have the skill of story writing but with the gift of a voice, a voice that is able to paint the colours of the story..

HmmmM.. I know I am quite incoherent today... wondering where I am trying to go with my words.. I guess I'm just curious as to what will drive me.. what will keep me awake days on end and still give me enough effort to perfect. In a way, I anticipate it.. anticipate the art and what it will mean to me

.. where did the day go?

Today was meant to be a productive day.. whoops i forgot to enlarge the word MEANT.
But instead, what did it end up turning into:

• Woke up late (even though I slept quite early last night)
• Procrastinated the morning/afternoon away by laying in my bed thinking about Singapore plans and watched a episode of a K-Drama (yer Jase I said K-Drama!)
• Went shopping at Gal, just briefly while I waited for mummy... don't worry, I didn't buy .... that MUCH heheh kidding.. I seriously didn't.
• Procrastinated the evening away by attempting to play around with Photoshop.. trying to find a big enough photo of Jae Joong to put in next to Mishie (didn't find one.. gave up)
• Been on here since god-knows-when MSN-ing and obviously now blogging (it was the better of the alternatives posed to me by Lisa)
  

YuP.. i think that pretty much explain how productive my day was. I know I've complained about this a million times or so.. but I'm sOOOO behind.. and I have no motivation to do anything about it. Even though I know how close mid-sems are.. even though I know how close my assignments are due from the date of my mid-sems and even though I know I'm going to regret not doing anything one month from now =/ Someone please.. smack some senses into me.. but do it lightly please..

I think I need a new pair of shoes.. Sketches maybe.. Still thinking, but not time for shopping. No time for serious shopping that is. oOO but i did stumble on a pretty cool pair of cons.. I wouldn't mine owning a pair of these =)

Wouldn't it be so cool to be wearing a pair of these to a Rain concert? heheh

*sigh* on another note..I don't know why.. but today.. I feel like crap.. Like physically, emotionally, spiritually feel like crap. I feel as if all the energy has been drained from me.. and I'm scared to say it.. but I feel anhedonic. Maybe I've just come to realise how confused I am about my direction in life.. I really dont know where I'm going and what I'm going to do. I just see myself as such a dependent person.. and right now.. I just don't know what to do? Sometimes I wish time would freeze for a while.. just for a while, so I can think.. think about the pathways in front of me and what is really most important. My mind is clouded by a sea of insecurities.. a sea so endless it shocks me out of reality...

...or maybe I just need to wake up tomorro and make a fresh new start. A productive one.

*Cough Cough*

That's all I do theses days .. cough and cough and cough.. and if I'm finding it so annoying imagine the people around. I feel like a frikken walking disease and feel sorry for all those sitting near me. For example waiting for the bus today... I was waiting at Wellington Bus station for the bus home (which by the way took a whole 45mins!!!) and just when I thought all was good and peaceful.. I get into a coughing fit!! Like I just can't stop coughing.. it was so bad and so embarrassing.. even the girl next to me felt sorry for me and offered me a butter menthol. And it happened again on the bus.. I thought I was going to choke. Okay, enough of the sob story...

Today was meant to be a productive day.. but turned out not so productive.. in fact i didn't any study at all. Its only scaring me coz I know I will be extremely busy in September, when all the assignments start piling up and a worker leaves for a holiday, meaning I will have to pick up the shifts. Lets just hope everything goes well then.

I dug up my old ICQ number yesterday. Actually I attempted to do this some time ago.. but I could never actually find my number or my profile on the ICQ database. Thanks to the help of Tim, who had me on his contact list, I was finally able to access my old list. I remember in the prime of my ICQ days I had approx 200 contact on there.. most of them randoms from around the world that I had slowly gotten to know. Some of them, I became quite good friends with. ICQ marked my teeny-bopper days. I read my profile yesterday and BOY was I ashamed.. but I guess its all a part of being young, naive and attempting to try way too hard. But I am curious as to what happened to a lot of the people on my list. People like "Cloud", who were a little bit older and wiser and shared the wisdom and experiences they had in life. These people who were once very much a part of my life, have seemed to drift.. and I wonder how they are today.

I guess it just reminds us to cherish what we have now.. make an effort to show the people around you that you care... even if its a short sms one morning just to wish them a good day.

Goodnight everyone.. Happy Dreaming ^-^

Monday-itis

.. been a whole week since I've been on here spillin my thoughts. So what's been happening? SooO much that i don't know where to how to start... so I won't. =p

Been sick since Friday morning after a late/early night out for Lisa's birthday on Thursday. And as I said.. I knew it would be interesting. Pictures soon or u can get them on Lisa's blog coz I think she'll upload them (hehehe saves my lazy bum the effort).

But yes. SICK. AGAIN. I've been coughing so much that I think its damaging my throat and my chest at that. It's never hurt so much before. That the good thing about blogging I guess.. I can rant without having to cough after every 3rd word. Today was such a LOOOOONG day (no puns intended) but I guess everything turned out okay in the end. I didn't actually get to finish my tute questions yesterday, so I kinda rocked up to both my tutes unprepared. It turned out alright coz we didn't really go thru all the questions and this week's questions were not to hard.. so all good.

Bummed at Nicole's during my 3 hour break and attempted to rest up before the rest of my classes, but instead ended up playing around with music there. Very cool fun.. and OMG Nic's skills on the guitar is soOo cool!! I wish I could play like you Nic!.. I have so far to go and so much to learn.

I'm so behind on everything its starting to be a worry... its like I just woke up and *Poof* its week 4!!! I think its time to get a start on a.) Readings b.) Assignments. Speaking of assignments, I think my psych one for social shall be somewhat interesting. We are to examine the underlying psychological factors that allow people to keep believing in a chosen alternative therapy. After considering many options including crystal power and numerology.. I have settled on.... astrotherapy. Just coz everyone knows they love reading horoscopes.. but how far should we really take our horoscopes.

I think I'm off to get some rest.. coz u know sounding sick means feeling sick and feeling sick means looking sick and looking sick .. is oh so not cool!