You know for every second that you look at the sky it is actually never the same. It seems so patient .. to wait above us for all time .. and yet its hard to notice that actually it is forever changing, forever moving forward, forever intangible.

It makes me wonder.. will you ever see the same piece of the sky that I see? Is there anyone looking up at what is sometimes taken for granted and thinking the same thing at the same time? Its so beautiful. I wonder if it knows it? haha stupid question right. haha

I want to sing more. But is it the same singing to myself in my room? Do i need the ktv? Is that even a question? haha I miss it. I miss the thrill of ktv. But I have come to realise that it actually must be done in the right company otherwise it is just not the same. What was the right company then might not be the same company now.. after all people move on right? Or maybe I've just come to accept that actually.. I do change too. I wish I didn't. I wish you could count on me to be the same person as I was for all time. But I know part of me has changed. Revolution?

Sister's Hens is next week. I'm actually quite looking forward to it. Mainly cos its a dress up haha ima look stupid again. Should be fun. I shall post up the photos after it. Hopefully I can pull off what I plan haha exciting.

Finally starting to figure out manual focus on my slr. One word: Awesome! Still much to learn. Lets go play?

With Love,

Stronger than that

Why is it that I must pretend that I am strong. That I can get thru it all. That I crushed and lost deep within. Why is it that I come across as being delicate but at the same time stable. Why is it that I refuse to cry in front of others when thats all I really need. Why is it that you cannot see these weakness of mine and stop me from my lies of being stronger than that.

Sometimes I really do feels so insignificant and vulnerable to all that is out there. I wish I knew it would be ok. I wish I knew myself like you know me. Afterall isn't it what everyone wants.. to feel protected .. protected from others, the world and yourself.

I no longer want to be .. stronger than that...

Haru Haru

I stare at my monthly planner on the wall.. in big red letter is reads THESIS: introduction and method first draft due, 30th July. It’s achievable. If I make the effort. Which I must.

But .. and yes there always must be a but .. my brain won't function. I need a delete button.. to delete all that was. haha but life is never that easy is it. I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about the alternative roads. This is not how it played out in reality.. so why does it play out like that in my head? Why did I imagine myself like that? When in actuality I pretty much did the opposite? Is it my subconscious leaking into my conscious thoughts? ... all I really want to know is why. Questions that will never be answered.

Last night I had a session with Mishie and a few coronas. It was a chilled night. But it was a good night. Met a few new people too.. Its always good to expose yourself to new perspectives. So much for MIA right? I always say I want it.. Then when faced with it I get worried. Still going to say it tho.. cos who is going to stop me? You?

下雨天 ... 陪我的雨滴

Saturday Night

A Picture to say A Thousand Words

Home on a Saturday night is a bit weird. I mean its not as if I'm always out on Saturday night... am I? Anyway.. not the point. The point is that it feels quite weird. Do I have stuff to do? Yah.. honours work ... at at the same time it feels like im taking a break tonight. Bah. I don't even know what I'm trying to get at.

I've fallen in love with Shilla Cafe recently. Like seriously LOVE the place. I don't know why.. the atmosphere? The river? The Park.. its everything. I love East Perth. Which is a good thing because it lead to me and Lisa's plan for before 40! haha

Maybe I should just sleep. I like this photo of us today.. love winter photos.. lighting is always better on winter days...

Janice, Lisa and Noelle

-Another Winter Day-

You.

There is a first for everything. This might be one of my most honest posts yet.

I don't know how.. and why but I let you by my side. When I was prepared to say no.. somehow I still said yes. And slowly.. day by day you grew on me. My friends would not be surprised because it they know me too well. Know that I get attached to people, things and ideas all too easily. Is this what happened? When they were against it.. I still gave you a chance ... I still don't know why.

Maybe its true. I'm not good at showing people how I feel. I thought I was transparent... when in actual fact I'm quite the enigma when I choose to be. But I did think about it.. I did think about you.. I did think about us. Maybe that was just not enough.

At the end of the day. I have these memories. Be it for good or bad.. it will be a part of my history.

Don't regret. I will spend today forgetting ... and tomorrow will be my new start.

t-21. Goodbye. You.

Change

Everyone knows... I don't like change. Actually thinking about it seriously, does anyone really like change? I mean I get it if it is necessary for survival .. blah blah blah adaption and evolution reasons ... but change that comes out of the blue is a bit .. abrupt? That's not the right word. But people get defensive over change.

Having said all that. Do you like my new template? Its got a melancholy feel to it doesn't it. I think it suits me quite well. After all, we all know that I usually only blog when there is something wrong.

Half the year has already gone by. I actually think it had sped by quite quickly.. sooner or later I will really have written my thesis. It seems never ending now.. but it will be done, and I will move on. It hasn't really been a bad year for me so far. I mean it hasn't been spectacular, but really I think I've accomplished more this year that I have last. Its too early to judge, but I think I will look back on this year with fond memories. It has definitely been a year of firsts.

My poor SLR has been taking a break lately. I really wanna get out there and take some shots. I should really get into a photography class. Before this year is up, someone please make sure that I do. How awesome would it be to be able to take nice photos... haha maybe I should just stop standing in front of the camera then my photos might look better! haha

Mishie has finished her last exam for uni. Hurray for Mishie. But that also means I'm really the only one still at the uni campus. Oh wait. She was never really there anyways!! X)

Lisa got extended. I think its a good thing Lisa. I know that its hard to work with people ur not very fond of, but at the end of the day we all need to survive. Just take it until u find something you would love more.

Caz bought an apartment. I can't believe she bought an apartment LOL. Its mega awesome tho. Makes me really want one too.. but I have a long way to go in terms of savings. Maybe in a few years time. But in that case I should not holiday so much. :( but but but I Love holidays!!

Ali has started full time work. Its strange that Ali has full time work now. But I'm happy that he found something in his area. You suit the full time image.

Edshi is becoming a doctor. I haven't seen Edshi around much this year, but day by day he is getting closer to the doctor position. It sounds exhausting, but he has the strength to manage.

Tammy has moved out. She has found a place with Shane. I'm so happy for her.. and to think we were discussing how impossible this was just a few years ago. I'm looking forward to her housewarming!

And I. Am still writing the method section of my thesis that should have been done a week ago T.T back to work I go.

Leaving you with a thought...
How has your year been so far?

I Wonder

Will you remember me tomorrow? Will you remember me in a week? Will you remember me in a year? Its funny how people come and go from your life. And its funnier who you actually think about in a day ... there are people that are from my distant past that I miss so dearly now. Or is it the them in that past that I miss? Everything was so simple then .. or maybe just that I look at it now and it seems simple. I really don't know. No I don't think this is one of my depressive episodes, or at least I hope not. What I am trying to say is that ... you might not know it, because I don't say it much, but you ... the youse that has chosen to enter my life and give me the precious memories that I have now mean a lot to me. I will remember you and miss you for all that you have given me.

These day I have not the words to fill my thoughts...