Leedy

hMmmm. I wonder why I didn't realise it earlier. Leederville is quite an awesome little place. Last night was only my second time there. The first was to get t Rudy's 21st last year. I had "whereis.com"-ed it and gotten majorly lost that time. It seriously took me an hour to get there and by that time I had given up already. Thank god I had my trusty map. Or not. Its more like thank god I called my trusty Caz. LOL after 2 seconds on the fone with Caz I was heading towards leederville. ANYWAYS. Beside the point. Leederville is actually a really awesome little suburb. I love how everything is still open so "late" on a weekday. It feels very community-ish. I have a feeling I'll be going there again soon hahaha only because (trying to defend myself) I want to take my cousins.

I had dinner last night with Tammy, Alan and Ruth. We went to Sienna's. I really liked the food. Of course, Sienna's is known for their good food but also awesome prices. Ok so I am broke this week ... majorly (as usual) but all the dishes were like half price. I had the Rigatoni. It was so good that I forgot to take a foto before I ate. And gone too fast that the waiter too my plate before I could take a photo of the empty plate mmmMmmMm but it was good.

But last night of course was more then the food. It was the awesome company. Both Tammy and Alan are grown up people now... (they always were but.. I want to make them sound older :) ... both who are working full time. Tho. By the sounds of it I still don't think thats called working Alan! lol kidding. Alan is loving his job. And I think Tammy has one of the most desirable jobs in the world lol. Or maybe its cos I still hold on to the idea of working with Tammy at the same company :). Either way I had an awesome time last night. Everything just seemed nice. Conversation was hilarious! That's what you get when there are 3 girls and one guy! Twas a good dinner with good company.

Upcomings--->
My lab report. 60%. Should start now. Like now now. But i'm scared. Gah I promise I will start on results after his post.

After talking about it for like 2 months. My cousins are coming on Saturday. So I'll be trying to juggle taking them out with the rest of my life. Should be awesome :)

Exam timetable came out today. Two exams on the 9th and one on the 17th of June. Who wants to celebrate with me when we're done? Lunch Caz? Since it is after our OB exam.

Ok enough random ramblings.
Stay good boys and girls.
Laters

Attached

I realise this about myself now. I am way too attached. To things, to people, to memories, to expectations... to the world. I guess everyone could say they have similar problems. But I just find it so hard to let go. Especially to people... letting go of people that I should because they have already let go and I am no longer who I am to them. *sighs* This is actually not a depressing post guys.. its more an attempt to proclaim change.

The reason why I have realised my problem with over attachment is because last weekend my wallet was stolen. It was stolen at work and maybe it is partially my fault because I left it behind the counter like I always do instead of hiding it in a draw or something. But having my wallet stolen cut me so much.. because it was my everything. Something like the feeling of losing your phone. I had memories in there, cards in there, contacts in there... it was my life. My everything. And to know that it was no longer mine, no longer with me, I was confused and disappointed. After a whole night of worrying, disbelief and frantic searching for possibility .. I gave up.. and after that I gave up sulking too. I guess its easier to move on and get a head start at rebuilding my everything. Called the banks, the government institutions and visited the police. Slowing moving on with everything. Even tho every now and then I would still reach into my bag and have a heart attack because my wallet isnt there!.. only to realise derrrr! I know. You guys might be thinking Noelle its just a wallet.. big deal right? well .. it only fits.. I am way too attached to things/people. So I will try not to be anymore.

Following this event, Ali called me out for lunch after classes on Thursday. We went to poppo's. I actually didn't have a very good impression on this place the very first time I ate there. I don't remeber why. But I actually liked it last Thursday. Their sushi is like a masterpiece!!! Definately a very yummy piece of art. And I had the bibimbap... which is suprising because its not a usual for me. I usually go for the kimchi soup. The bibimbap was ok, quite good really. I would most probably go back again. Thanks Ali for lunch.

This picture doesn't do the sushi justice!

Bibimbap and collection of food XD Yummmm

After lunch, I helped Ali with some shopping chores lol finding what he needed. Which was awesome cos we actually found the stuff!! Anyways afterwards Ali convinced me to go have a look at wallets. I wasn't going to find a replacement anytime soon.. just because I was still attached to the idea of getting mine back somehow/someway and I am broke having lost the money in my wallet. But we went to Myers for a look. At first there was no luck. All the wallets were leathery and Aunty looking. But when all hope was gone.. it was there. The wallet that fit all my criteria without even knowing the criteria!- minus of course the price. We walked out of Myers and I was determined to save up for it. I might have got it like a month later after saving. But Ali insisted on going back. He bought it for me. Said it is an early birthday present. LOL even wished me happy birthday. My birthday is in like 6 months. I love it to bits.. but I can't help but feel guilty. I didn't want to be a burden and have people spend so much on me. I didn't want to be that person who's problems affected someone else. But all I can say is Thankyou Ali. And sorry for being that burden.

...

為什麼我不是她.

Pages of White

I'm at uni again. Attempting to start research/reading for the Job Design assignment. Progress? Blank page. lol These days I just find myself staring at the screen wishing that my assignments would just write themselves. Its not that they are that hard.. but more the slow and daunting process of extracting the information from my brain. Ok.. just let me procrastinate that little bit longer... i'm still eating lunch in the lib.

Cousins are coming over soon. YAY since i've been nagging them to come since forever. But the bad thing is that they have chosen the worst time ever to come -- through the exam period. Which means they prob wont be staying at our house and I probably wont be able to take them everywhere I wanted to. But so far.. i think i must take them to Ciao Italia's. I actually haven't been there for an extremely long time.. so I'm looking forward to it- if it happens :P. Anyone got any other ideas on must go places in perth?

OOOOoooOO on the topic of must go places.. karaoke at dragon palace! Lets grab a group of ppls and go? its like $20 for dinner and 3 hours of K. Dinner is kinda all u can eat style but at $20 obviously not good seafood style. But I still think its a pretty good deal. yeah???

lol omg sitting in the lib now so i look up and see the books... the first one that caught my attention says....... "Blogs!" LOL oh the irony.

ok.. I think I'm off to stare at some more blank pages.. either that or facebook. Don't worry I'll do my work :)

Laters!

Insomniac

Gah the clock says its almost 3am. What the hell am I ding awake. I actually tired to go to sleep but instead got up to blog since I feel more wake then ever. Hmm.. its kinda a bad thing cos I should really sleep at night otherwise I will end up sleeping throughout the day. I'm an owl.. so sue me.

I think I complain too much... but its not going to stop me from doing so. I have soooooo much to do that it plagues my every thought. Ok lets do my little list of things that need to be accomplished (academically) soon...

• Music Essay (due Tuesday)
• Presentation and Synopsis (also due Tuesday)
• 15 page Economic History essay (due.. umm too soon)
• 1000 word Org. Behav. Assignment (due.. same week as too soon?)
• 60% Lab Report (due... arrrggghhh)
• Music Ensemble Report (due.)
• Exams

I think thats the order in which things need to be accomplished in the near future. On the other side of life to my world of study... Sense Lah will be reopening on Wednesday. Yes that does mean 2 things. 1. Back to work and juggling a million things at once 2. Back to having some sort of financial inflow YAY. On the note of financial inflow, I haven't got my stimulus package from Rudd yet. Actually beginning to doubt that I even qualify even tho mishie assures me that I will get it.

You know what I realise why I don't camwhore as much anymore. Because... I don't really go out much anymore. I mean yah we go out but we dont do those crazy session of mucking around anymore. Everything has become.. tame.. like lunch and dinner. Or maybe cos no one will camwhore with me anymore. Or maybe there are too man cameras and I can no longer be bothered to take out mine *sighs*. I promise I will make more of an effort.

Oh the note of going out. I'm sorry peoples that I haven't been attending events lately... I've been trying to keep up with my studies and I wish that wasnt the excuse... but I really do want to finish my undergrad degree with decent grade. Esp. since the economy is so bad that people are finding reasons as to why they SHOULDN'T hire you. I missed Caz's 22nd Birthday this year. Caz dear I'm so sorry :( But I hope you had an awesome time. By the sounds of it u did. oh and sorry I'm giving you another late birthday present this year. I promise this one won't take the full year to be delivered to u :)

I really feel like dressing up.. putting on make-up.. being carefree and running around. Probably not wise at 3am in the morning right? LOL. Oh well. there shall be time for that in my 6 months off. 6 months ... seems like a long time right? But I can tell already that it will pass by really fast. Just like the 4 years in Uni have. Sure there were so many tears... but also so many memories. And yet... I dont feel as if I've accomplished anything at all... maybe that feeling only comes on graduation day? oooo speaking of which, you guys will all come right? Hopefully planning to do an after graduation party :) should be good. I kinda want a really big thing for my graduation hehehe.. i say that now.. but we shall have to see right?

Alrite I think its time to force my eyes shut. Really need to get some sleep. Need to trek on in my plans tomorrow. I promise photos soon... even if i have to dig up some old unposted one lol

Nites. I hope everyone is actually asleep already and not an insomniac like me.

Alone

Today is one of those days that I feel so alone in this world. Maybe its because I wake up each day in fear... fear of what is ahead of me in terms of workload. I've got so much to do in the coming weeks and I'm sad to say that I have no motivation. Its not just a lack of motivation.. but I think I've worked myself to the point of overload. Just the sight of my books and notes makes me feel frustrated. I don't know what to do.. don't know how to feel anymore.

No one is online at the moment. Nic didn't pick up her call. Is there anyone out there? I feel scared..and not to presume what a blind person feels.. but I feel that sort of fear. Like I have just entered into temporary blindness and the world is a dark place. I wish I could explain it better- but I have not the words.

I really want to graduate already. U know how I refused to leave uni and stop studying? Well i think it finally got to me. I don't want to do this anymore. Then what about honours u say? I am clueless. A big part of me still wants to go for it. Especially since my research topic tutor has told me that if I meet the criteria set out previously I'm guaranteed a position. But the other part of me doubts my ability... doubts my stength and will power. I guess I still have a while to think. But I still think i'm not ready for the workforce. hmmm... I just can't see it anymore. I can't see where I fit in at a workplace environment. Especially here in Perth.... but I should've applied for those grad/vac positions. Oh wells... I was meant to be in Taiwan anyways.

I feel like theres so much I need to say. and yet nothing at all. I'm glad I have my trusty blog in times like these. But I kinda wish I could just sit here tonite and listen to someone else ramble.
Back to study.

你在我心理的位子... 已經不再.

Suffocated

I feel so limited here.. there is so much more that I could be.. so much more that I want to see.. is it really that selfish? I don't understand anymore. I have sacrificed so much of my life, my future and wants and dreams and its to the point where I feel so suffocated and betrayed. I just don't know anymore. What do you want from me.. my life is already yours, so what's the point me living it for u.

If only you could see.. my picture of me. My picture of who I had endeavoured to be, before you took away all and left me inside the empty box.

If only I had no heart...