Alone

Today is one of those days that I feel so alone in this world. Maybe its because I wake up each day in fear... fear of what is ahead of me in terms of workload. I've got so much to do in the coming weeks and I'm sad to say that I have no motivation. Its not just a lack of motivation.. but I think I've worked myself to the point of overload. Just the sight of my books and notes makes me feel frustrated. I don't know what to do.. don't know how to feel anymore.

No one is online at the moment. Nic didn't pick up her call. Is there anyone out there? I feel scared..and not to presume what a blind person feels.. but I feel that sort of fear. Like I have just entered into temporary blindness and the world is a dark place. I wish I could explain it better- but I have not the words.

I really want to graduate already. U know how I refused to leave uni and stop studying? Well i think it finally got to me. I don't want to do this anymore. Then what about honours u say? I am clueless. A big part of me still wants to go for it. Especially since my research topic tutor has told me that if I meet the criteria set out previously I'm guaranteed a position. But the other part of me doubts my ability... doubts my stength and will power. I guess I still have a while to think. But I still think i'm not ready for the workforce. hmmm... I just can't see it anymore. I can't see where I fit in at a workplace environment. Especially here in Perth.... but I should've applied for those grad/vac positions. Oh wells... I was meant to be in Taiwan anyways.

I feel like theres so much I need to say. and yet nothing at all. I'm glad I have my trusty blog in times like these. But I kinda wish I could just sit here tonite and listen to someone else ramble.
Back to study.

你在我心理的位子... 已經不再.

Suffocated

I feel so limited here.. there is so much more that I could be.. so much more that I want to see.. is it really that selfish? I don't understand anymore. I have sacrificed so much of my life, my future and wants and dreams and its to the point where I feel so suffocated and betrayed. I just don't know anymore. What do you want from me.. my life is already yours, so what's the point me living it for u.

If only you could see.. my picture of me. My picture of who I had endeavoured to be, before you took away all and left me inside the empty box.

If only I had no heart...

Another boring day.

At uni right now.. and I know I said I wanna be more hardworking, but all I do is sit here lol. No I think what I meant by hardworking is that I want to use up more of my time. I want to be busy... but not busy with assignments as such- but to have a good mix of everything in my life.

I know I say it a lot but I really want to get back into singing. I really kinda miss it.. I used to do it so much more, and i'm not just talking about KTV out and about.. but even just at home or in the shower lol. I just miss it and I think its time to pay more attention to it. Someone want to draw me upa routine? If I ever get spotted (which is hilarious to even write) it will pay off for u *grins*. No? Yeah I thought so too.

Life is so different these days. Everyone has really grown up and I can't beleive that it is me of all people is saying it. Time really does fly by and i'm kinda scared to finish writing this post cos I might be thirty already. nooo. Spoke to Laura the other day on msn. Laura I think was one of the first friends I made in uni. SHe was definately my first psychology friend. It is really strange that I met her so long ago and now she's graduated from UWA and doing her B.Psych year in Curtin. I am amazed and yet horrified. She sounds like she's having a blast tho and everything she learns sounds so practical... she had almost convinced me to do the B.Psych at Curtin instead of Honours at UWA. But I think at the end of it all i'm still determined to do my honours. We will see won't we. On that note tho, I have no idea what to pick as my honours topic. I think I've really got to consider it soon and have a chat with all the lecturers. I hope Nic comes back to do Honours with me, because by the sounds of it.. its going to be tough and I miss the psych days with Nic.

Why do I sound so free? well... I kinda don't have any major assignments due until 3 weeks down the track. I better start them soon tho. I think I'll start studying for the mid-sem tonight. I want to get everything done as soon as possible because two of my cousins are coming over soon *yay*! heheh the poor girls thought it would be summer and wanted to get suntanned (hence advertsing it on their msn nicks).. but I had to tell them that they are coming in winter it was kinda funny =)

Gahhh.. ok my time is up.. I have a boring tute with the lecturer I want to throw things at now. If only he wasn't so bad of a lecturer and if only he taught better material.

Ok I've gotta dash to class
Be good boys and girls
see ya next time~

I Love Faceshop =)

Isn't it pretty the sky outside.

Hey everyone.. has been a whole month. It has been a busy month.. so I think i'm going to give myself some time off! Just handed in 3 assignments on Monday and now I'm too lazy to do anything.

Omg I have some Perth shattering news for all the girls out there... THERE IS A FACESHOP IN PERTH! If u have followed my blog long enough you would have noticed that TheFaceShop is MY FAVIOURITE SHOP IN THE WORLD!! and to have one in Perth is like a dream come true. ... but at the same time its a nightmare for my poor wallet which is empty a lot. Gah, anyways I visited the Perth branch for the first time today and bought a face mask just to mark the occassion ... and i got this....

ITS AN AWESOME VIP CARD!!! That was my pride for today.. and it didnt cost a cent.. in fact it gives me money back! U spend money and it give u a percentage back onto the card that u can spend later when u have enough on the card. Soooo cool isn't it.

James St Kitchen and the awesome glasses

Oh my I have put on sooo much weight. Maybe its cos I haven't re-joined the gym yet *sighs* or maybe I just got used to eating heaps when I was out on holidays. Anyways, I have a new eating place that I m quite fond of. James St Kitchen. We usually eat at TeaCafe.. but on thursdays its James St Kitchen since Tea Cafe isn't open. I mean the seating and atmosphere in general is not great at all.. but the food is. I don't think there is anything I didn't like yet.. so its looking good. Once again not looking good for my wallet .. but hey you can't have everything rite?

GAh I wanna get back into singing. Its been a while... I miss it and my voice needs the training. Sorry random thoughts

Anyways off I run to do something not productive

Laters!

Foolish

How many times do I have to be taught? Not to plan, not to expect, not to hope, and not to desire. I seem to never learn and each time I am reminded of my foolishness all I can do I cry foul play and it hurts... it hurts so much.

I'm sick of telling myself I was meant for something bigger, I'm sick of expecting the light at the end of the tunnel when the reality has always been more darkness. I'm just sick of being who I am at the moment... I want to crawl into that dark corner and hide- but then I realise I never left that corner to be able to return.

I think of all those people out there who actually have a direction, a purpose and inspiration... and I'm ashamed to show my face... ashamed to tell them this is how I have lived my life for the past two decades. What a waste. It so much easier to say that you will make more of an effort and to plan for change then it is to do. In the end its just a circle... and I doubt this is what they meant by the circle of life.

Sorry. Emo. I guess this is what happens when you get told you're just not good enough.

But a Distant Memory

Sorry for the absence. I would like to say that the reason is because I have been busy. But that would be a mere lie.. I have just been lazy =)

I've been back for two weeks already and it seems like such a long time since I lived the carefree life- where my biggest worry was not knowing what colour I should buy that shirt in. The trip, u ask? Was awesome. It was quite the adventure and I learnt a few things here and there along the way. I love the feeling of living out of a suitcase... being constantly on the move and trying to maximize every minute of the day. It felt productive, it felt so good. I even loved that fact that when your a foreigner you can dress however you want, or say what you want cos the true is ... no one knows you so its ok to go eat supper in the city streets wearing your pjs. And then there ws the immigration officers. You see usually I would actually be scared of them. Even tho I've done nothing wrong the fact that they the authority means that they should be feared in my eyes. But not this time. For some unknown reason ALL the immigration officers that I was in contact with were soooo friendly!! Even tho it was just small chat or just questions on the island I was born on...it felt good hehehe So if I could use two words to wrap up my entire trip they would be... LOVED IT.

As I said.. "We're Foriegners.. so its ok to be Idiots"

I know this blog is missing some serious camwhoring so I shall fill it with random photos =)

MOF in Singapore- Officially my Fav Jap place in Singapore

Ok U can't go to HK without taking this pic!

OMG this was from my fone since my camera fotos sucked!

With My Cousins. Sorry I was too lazy to rotate =)

So.. I have put on weight obviously since I ate everything in sight for the 3 weeks that I was overseas =( That's like a year's worth of gymming down the drain! I put on 3 kgs!!! I'm so annoyed and I haven't re-joined my gym yet due to lack of funds. But we shall have to do that soon I think. So I've been trying to out my own temporary exercise schedule in the meantime. But with the heat and sun being an obstacle (since I'm also trying not to get dark again since my Aunties mentioned how dark I have gotten!) and the fact that I sleep in way too much... my success is somewhat limited. So now its time for some super extreme action. I, Noelle JXL will eat only fruits vegetable and chicken breast meat for the next 5 days without any sauces/salt/sugars/pepper. Omg I'm sooo not going to last am I? Anyways I will give it all my best to accomplish this. I think I need it and that It would be a good detox. Plus I already spent $20 on fruits and vegies in preparation for the begining of it all tomorrow. Wish me luck? OOOh and that also means that I will not be dinnering/lunching/suppering out for the next 5 days. Sorry guys but u will support me in this won't you?

With Sis.. the sakura looks real rite!

Ok changing topics since the lack of good food is starting to depress me. I've made some changes to my room since I got back. There are a few new additions to my room (not including clothes, cos that would be silly) such as the portable external hard drive I bought (actually dad bought it for my early b-day present- been getting gifts early this year hmmm) and the new little cabinent I bought while shopping with Tammy last Weds. Its so awesome it only cost me $20 and it fit perfect where I wanted it. Its for my CD's since my CD draw had just about given up on me. Its soo cool... only putting it together was a bit of a hassle hehehe since I had it build it 3 times cos I put the shelves facing the wrong way up more then once o_0. But I got it right in the end =)

All in All the two weeks that I have been back have been ok. Nothing much interesting in my life atm.. but at the same time.. I guess I can't complain =)

Hope you all have been well and good and hope to be seeing you all soon yeah!

Laters!

Happy Chinese New Year!!

So here is to another year! Somehow I believe that this will be my year... well its good to start of positive rite?

SO how was everyone's first day of Chinese New Year? Mine was awesome. Very traditional and endless family dinners =) it was a very proper CNY with the whole extended family present. It feels so good to be over here. Don't get me wrong I still miss home heaps.. but I'm not done yet!! I still have thing that need to be bought!! Cos I haven't bought much.. HONEST!! Actually I'm really honest I havent bought many shoes, no bags, no watch that I wanted =( . Thats it for the remaining week I"m here I'm gonna to boost Malaysia's economy!

I wanted to blog pictures but I forgot to bring my cable and if I did someone mite kill me for purposely rubbing it in =p On that note... I LOVED Hong Kong. Not enough time was spent there- I didnt get to fully explore and we spent most of our time around Kow Long. I never knew it was two different places. But I do now, so next time I will spend more time in Hong Kong =) OOoooOO but the one thing I didn't like in HK was the shop people they are SOOOOOO scary!! hehehe it was like an aruging match to buy stuff... no wonder we didn't buy much. heheh Actually we shipped 30kg worth of stuff home from HK =p but that included Singapore shopping and I swear it was totally not me!!! I haven't bought much!

Alrite I think this is all for now. Time to get going. More eating? Probably!! K-ing time when I get back!!

Missing U all who read my blog =)